


devolution

by apeirophobia



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Character Study, Fantastic Beasts Kink Meme, Gen, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, M/M, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-09 05:15:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8877424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apeirophobia/pseuds/apeirophobia
Summary: In which the rain only washes away bad memories, and Langdon Shaw remembers everything.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoy! <3
> 
> Written for the Kink Meme prompt: Because of past Harry/Langdon abuse the rain doesn't work on Langdon.

The thing is, Langdon should probably be sad that his brother is dead…but he's not. He stood in the rain and _saw_ the thing—the entity—the _boy_ who killed Harry and he was glad. Ecstatic, even. He saw it destroy _everything_ in its path and he knew that if he could he would do the same. He would have torn his brother apart like so much black smoke if he’d had the power. The monster of wind with white eyes did him a favor. It killed his brother and his father, the people at the gala, the people in the rain, they all just…forgot. Everyone except Langdon. But no one can rewrite the memories in Langdon’s childhood (he’s _tried_ ) and no one can rewrite his memories now.

 

Like being fifteen and having his brother come home from college for the weekend and for once actually paying _attention_ to Langdon. Growing up he’d always wanted his brother’s attention. After that weekend he never wanted it again.

 

Like being fifteen and having his brother home from college and having him—

 

Like being fifteen.

 

When the rain poured down on the crowd it was a baptism, not a revival. They were all born anew. It reached inside their minds and cleaned away the parts that scared them, or didn’t make sense. Nothing in Langdon’s life has ever made sense, and it makes him immune. The rain can't wash away the bad memories when that's all there is. The rain can't wash away memories of magic when they're the happiest he has. Trauma is the cornerstone of Langdon's reality, and it makes him impervious to the parlor tricks of memory modification. His father says that Harry died in a car accident. His father says it's an unbearable tragedy; to lose such a good son too soon. His father says that Harry loved Langdon (and Langdon laughs, laughs until he cries and his father thinks they're tears of _grief_ ).

 

Sometimes Langdon entertains the thought of ruining his father's life. He fantasizes about taking his scars and his memories and his "sealed" medical records to his father's rivals in the newspaper business. He wonders how his father would explain the long absences from school, the 'incident' eight years ago, his oldest son's stint at military school...how he would explain it to his peers, to his business associates. Because Langdon knows his father doesn't really care about him, the second son--the mistake--but he does care about his late son's reputation. Harry was supposed to be president, and their father would have destroyed anyone who got in the way of that. He wonders if his father would burn the ensuing inquiries like he burned Langdon's blood-stained pajamas.

 

Langdon thinks of his older brother, the esteemed heir, and sees his face twisted in death, twisted in _agony_. He thinks of the boy from the Second Salem family and _knows_. He knows that Credence killed his brother, he recognized the boy's face in the darkness of the gala, like he recognized the familiar shunted light in his eyes in his father's office. Langdon knows  _everything_ , even if he doesn't understand it all--even if he's not allowed to tell anyone else--he _knows_. _Understanding,_ in Langdon's opinion, has always been overrated, and he's lived a life things he wasn't allowed to tell anyone else about, so why stop now? The existence of magic, the abuse, his father's drinking, his brother's tendencies...it's all the same. It's all shame and secrecy and it all falls on Langdon, at the end of the day.

 

He can't forget, it's his curse. He can't forget, it's his gift. He can't forget. He can't forget. He can't forget--

 

Like being eight and seeing something he shouldn't have. Like being twelve and saying something he shouldn't have. Like pulling his shirt down to reveal deep identical bite-marks along his collar-bone, red indentations against white skin. Perfect impressions, like half-moons. Perfect like Harry’s smile.  He told his mom he got them playing. Harry had told him it was a game. She'd stared at them for a long time, before she told him to not be so clumsy. It's been ten years and he can still feel his mother's hands cradling his face as she asked  _do you understand?_ like if she asked him in a serious enough tone he'd know what she meant and not what she said. Ten years of her touch being the only comfort she's ever offered, and now not even that. Now he's twenty-four and far too jaded. And still clumsy. His mother would be so disappointed. At least she didn't live to see her oldest son get his comeuppance.

 

It’s not fair that his father doesn’t even get to be haunted by the sight of Harry’s twisted face—frozen in death. It's not fair that his father doesn't get to be haunted by the  _truth_. Langdon wonders if the rain washed away his father's knowledge of Harry's proclivities, or if alcohol and denial did enough. Langdon thinks it's not fair that his father gets to erase the worst moment of his life, when he'll never know the same respite. He thinks it's not fair that Harry's death gets reduced to a mere car crash, as if a monster could be defeated by something so pedestrian.

 

There are a lot of things that aren’t fair, and Langdon remembers all of them .

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :D Please leave kudos/comments if you liked it! <3


End file.
